My Body is Calling--Am I Listening?

I have lost over 60 lbs. on various diets over about 15 years. Truthfully I lost and found many of those pounds many times over the years. I try to eat healthy, try to eat the correct amounts, try to adjust my intake for my activity level. You'd think after all this time, after this success, I would have this all down. However, I find that when my miles creep up, my weight does as well.

Last year I gained over 5 pounds as I trained for my first marathon. That doesn't seem like a huge number, but if you are a Weight Watchers Lifetime member, that can put you back into the place where you have to pay each month rather than it being free. There are significant health issues in my family that makes maintaining a healthy weight essential for me. Add that to the recent Runner's World article stating that 5 pounds equals 5 minutes on marathon times makes me realize that controlling my weight is more than just health, vanity or frugality--I need it to run faster! This seems to motivate me more than the other reasons--probably because I see the impact rather quickly.

I know what to eat, I know about how much to eat--so why do I overeat? I think it is because after all these years I have forgotten how to listen to my own hunger signals. I think that I am being strong when I don't eat when I'm hungry and weak if I eat. I am afraid that if I give myself the freedom to eat, I will never stop eating and my diet will consist of pasta, peanut butter and M&MS. I also find that because I have let myself get so hungry in the past, that I am actually afraid of my own hunger and try to "eat prevenatively" to avoid hunger. None of these extremes are good for me.

But is it really this simple--Wait until you are hungry, make healthy choices, and stop right before you are full? Why is it that running 10 miles is easier than putting my fork down before my plate is empty?

So this is what I am trying:

1. Ask myself if I am truly hungry before I eat--and wait to make sure I really am hungry rather than just thinking that I might be hungry.
2. Allow myself to eat if I am hungry. If this means eating lunch at 10:30, this is okay too.
3. Put down the fork and remind myself that food will be there later
4. Make the healthy choice when eating--peanut butter, pasta and M&Ms all do have a place in a healthy diet!
5. Eat the correct amount so that I am hungry in the morning, and before each meal.

I have learned to adjust my workouts for fatigue, sore muscles and my energy level. This involved listening to and trusting my body to tell me what it needed, but also knowing when to push a workout and when to back off. I can learn to trust my body for fuel as well. It will talk to me--I just need to stop and listen.

When will running get easier?

Someone on a marathoner message board asked that question--that got me thinking.

I always had a vision of myself as an experienced runner. I would be gliding effortlessly along the path/trail/road. My legs and arms moving gracefully, my breath even.

(Sound of record screeching) Nope that's sure not me--at least not all the time. I find that as I progress, I still work hard--not because I am working to run at the same pace, but because I want to continue to improve my running.

Saturday I had one of those endorphin runs. I got to the end of my run and discovered I had more in my tank than I thought and was able to maintain a faster than usual pace and still run hard at the end of the run. It was one of those runs that makes you believe you have made a break through--at least until tonight.

Tonight's run was hard. It was actually for 10 less minutes than the Saturday run. I ran out on a trail I hadn't run yet this year. My mile splits were not what I wanted them to be and I started making all kinds of excuses--"It's hot" , "I didn't wait long enough after dinner", "I'm just having a bad run", "This part of the trail is rocky (it actually was) and I need to be careful here". I had a whole list and I started to drop into my misery.

I turned around at 25 minutes and headed back. I started to think about my run and told myself that I knew every run wouldn't be an endorphin moment--they couldn't all be. Every great, fantastic run is built on the blocks of the not so great feeling runs around them. I decided to get all that I could out of my run. I told myself I need to work on my form--knees up, arms down, shoulders back and relaxed, head up. I fell into the rhythm of my run. When I wanted to slow I told myself to go on, to be faithful, to be strong.

I negative split the run by 1:30--that's a pretty huge margin for me! Maybe it wasn't a horrible run after all, or maybe it just stopped being one when I changed my attitude.

Athlete, Me?

How I see myself may not be the way that someone else does. To me I think an athlete is a professional individual who has a toned sculpted body competing on a high level or is good at what they do. Others may precive me as an athlete but my self image does catergize myself there. For instance do these marathon times, 5 hours 39 minutes, 5 hours 38 minutes, 5 hours 58 minutes, 5 hours 11 minutes, conjure up the imagine of an athlete? To me they don’t. They are the image of a back of the pack runner hoping to finish before they tear down the finish line. So, therefore, I don't consider myself as an athlete. I look at those times and see the determination of completing something that has been started. I do though think of myself as an active person who likes to do endurance events and put in the training required. I train hard for any improvement seen and to acheive goals set. These gains however aren’t from natural talent. Crosing the finish line is more about mental strength and fortitude rather than phyiscal ability. I am competitive but only with myself as a progression of my improvement. So I wonder I can run and bike and finish events entered but does that make me an athlete? Who decides what I am? I may be an ‘everyday’ athlete that inspires other that know me but not in the context of a ‘professional’ athlete. Being active and healthly is the most important part no matter if you consider yourself an athlete or not. Being out there is all that matters and that you are having fun. Again, I ask, me an athlete. Maybe my mindset will get there.

Running is a Simple Sport?

You read books about running and they say it is such a wonderful, simple sport because all you need is a good pair of shoes--and a good bra if you are female.

So how come I need so much stuff? Last Saturday I had (from head to toe)

• Running hat (protects head, absorbs sweat, keeps sun out of my eyes)
• Sunglasses (protects eyes from both Sun and flying insects)
• Running bra (absolutely essential)
• Heart Rate Monitor strap
• Garmin 305 GPS and sport watch
• Running shorts'
• Sport Glide and Vaseline for Toes, feet, bra straps
• Asics Kayano socks
• Asics Kayano shoes with SuperFeet insoles
• Sunscreen

I also carried:

• Camelbak FlashFlo (with 1 liter of Gu2O orange flavor)
• 1 Gu brand sports gel (plain flavor)
• Tissues
• 1 Bike bottle with ice and water (left in car for after the run)
• Blue Ice reusable cooler pack (left in car)
• 1 Can of Lactose Free Slimfast French Vanilla drink (left in car on blue ice pack for post-run)

All of this for a 10 mile run (1:37)

Admittedly, I would not need to get all of this ready if I ran out and back from my house. I drive to my favorite running trail because I like the gravel path, and the slant on my neighborhood streets aggravate my ITBS. I also like to run with my training group.

I always say I carry this stuff because I'm a mom, and I like to be prepared and find the feeling that I have what I need to be comforting. Still, I show up for my group runs and people don't have water, don't have gel, didn't eat breakfast, don't wear sunscreen. Most of my fellow group members are 15-20 years younger than I am--but should I be taking less, or should they be taking more?

In a way I envy them--not having the extra weight and all. But then I hear them talking about how tired they are for the rest of the day, and how they don't recover from their runs. This year I have been feeling pretty good after about an hour of rest after my long runs.

Maybe my stuff and I are just fine!

An Ode to a First Aid Kit

Today after my long run, I had to deal with a huge blister and a hole rubbed in my middle toe. I have also been taping my feet before every run with trainer's tape. I realize that my pre- and post-running first aid supplies have taken over the table next to my couch and there was no room for the usual remote, coaster and box of tissues!

Now you may say that a normal person would just put all of this stuff back in the medicine cabinet after being done with it. The problem is that the last thing you want to do after running over 10 miles and finally sitting down, is get up again!

So now, I have a first aid box that I keep under the couch. Here are its contents:

• Trainer's tape in 1.5 and 1 inch widths
• Small scissors for cutting the tape
• Body Glide
• Bottle of hydrogen peroxide
• Cotton balls
• Sterilized quilting pin for lancing blisters
• Tube of bacitraycin
• Box of band-aids
• Air Salonpas spray
• Jar of menthol ice gel
• Tube of foot cream with menthol

Now, anyone that comes to my house will not know that running has taken over my life... unless they happen to know me. ;-)

My first marathon - the why, how, and after

Twin Cities Marathon Oct 2003.

I didn't take the traditional route to doing a marathon. The marathon was my first race EVER. Now what was I thinking?!? Who knew there were other races out there. :) We were in the process of buying our first house in Jan. 2003 and our mortgage lady said she ran marathons and I was like I can do that too. So I found a book, "The Non Runners Guide to Marathon Training" and started to train on my own. So I trained using that book and then switched over to Hal Higdon's novice plan in July. I had ups and downs through the training. I kept getting injuries, mainly pains in my feet after a certain distance and needing to back off and start up again.

Needless to say going into the marathon was scary and nerve racking. My longest run to date was a 17 miler and that didn't go so well because my foot hurt. So I even questioned myself if I was going to even run the darn thing. I was so worried I wouldn't finish. It didn't even cross my mind that I wouldn't walk parts of the race because who knew other runners kinda look down on other runners that walk. Silly me, this race was for me and not them.

I can remember standing at the start line as it was yesterday. My heart was beating as fast as it could and my mind kept racing. What the hell was I thinking? What am I doing here? Wow, there are a lot of people that run these things. Will I finish? When is the horn going to blow?

It sounded and there we were off. I felt fine up through 7 miles. Then I kept getting tired. I was so tired at the half and realized I had half more to go. What was I thinking? Can I do this? I trudged on. Mile 19 - Man, I'm stupid, why am I out here, 26.2 miles is a long ways. My feet hurt and my legs are super tired. But all I kept thinking was I can't stop. I need to keep moving forward.

The last 10k is a blur. I can't even reminder how I got through it. At mile 26 and seeing the finish line a big smile came to my face and I ran as fast as I could. That meant I could stop running and rest and get off my feet. My legs, body, and mind were so sore. It took a lot of mental power to get through the last 10k. I didn't have a big emotional meltdown after I crossed the finish line as I was to emotional drained from just finishing a marathon. I was super happy I finished but wished I had done better.

Hey, it was my first and I did enjoy it and look I'm hooked. I've completed a total of 4 and currently training for number 5. But it took awhile. I totally took off running for 3 months since I couldn't think of running anymore. But I decided I wanted to run another one so I started training again in Jan of 2004 for the Grandma's Marathon in June 2004. Running marathons is a gradual process and I learn something new everytime I train and run another one. I don't get as nervous at the start line but I always do question myself during training but in the end I always finish the race even if it's not what I was hoping for.

What you can't reach makes you stronger as you strive to reach it.

Epiphany waiting to happen

I have sat many hours thinking over my running and realized I have made huge improvements since I first started in 2002. Then how come my mind frame is still stuck in the past? I need to get past my fears and limitiations and not be afraid to finally surpass what I am seeking. I know I'm not that slow awkward runner anymore who was scared to look at her shadow while running because it wasn't a pretty sight.

My running times reflect something different than a slow runner of what I thought. I have improved significantly and then that raises a whole new set of issues for me. Can I get any faster? Do I want to? I know running should be about enjoying it and not worrying about what other runners do but for me it's all about the time. It has to do with the competitiveness nature within myself. I know I can do better, so how can that realization be made. What happens if the goal isn't met? I know I will never win but it's something about the numbers and where you stack up against other runners. I think our world forces people to judge one another and look down upon people who aren't at their same level. I think that is what I get when I run. Even though I have completed marathons I feel my finishing times aren't worthy enough as they were well over 5 hours. You always get asked, "Will you ever run Boston" "So what was your time?" You give it and they are like "wow that's a long time to be out there." "Did you then get picked up by the bus" I just get this feeling that anything over 5 hours isn't deem in high regard to other runners that finish faster. I want to get the same recognition of someone who finished faster. I am just slower but deserve the credit for being out there and it has nothing to do with poor training. Do you really think I enjoy being out there that long? Don't get me wrong, I love that I have finished all of my marathons but deep down in my heart I know I could have done better.

How come it's hard to change a mind set that is no longer true. Changing the way you look at reality is a tricky thing. Maybe it's just something you learn as you grow older and wiser. I don't know but it's something I struggle with. I also think body image issues come along with losing weight and they are all in the same mind set of beleiving you have gotten better/faster. For me running and losing weight have so much in common it's hard to wrap my mind around it all at once. For example: Shopping for clothes / running clothes. Why do you always go for the bigger size when you should try the next size down. Is it habit? Or are you afraid you don't fit in that next size? Whatever it is, it challenges the way you think. I think changes or epiphanies happen over time little by little sometimes without even realizing it and that is hard getting used to.